I am a vampire

I remember having teeth pulled when I was 10 years old. I had to have 4 teeth pulled in order to make room for the braces I was going to be getting. Anyway, I remember going to the dentist and getting theses teeth pulled. Afterward, I went to work with my mom at the airport and laid on the very uncomfortable couch recooperating. The nastiest thing is that for some reason, I told them that I wanted to keep the teeth after they pulled them. It wasn't like the cute little teeth that fall out when you are a kid. They were more like nasty, bloody, rooty things in a brown tiny envelope. It was so nasty. I think if I had known what I was bargaining for, I would have told them to throw the nasty suckers away. I think that's what I ended up doing anyway - I was too old to believe in the damn tooth fairy. My mom wasn't a sentimentalist anyway - I don't think she kept our first teeth or lock of hair or whatever. Or umbilical cord for that matter. But if she had kept that, I would have prayed that we would have been taken away by DCS because that is out of this world.



A few years ago, I had my wisdom teeth pulled out. No, I didn't keep those nasty suckers for keepsakes. I had the nicest dentist - he would always put his arm on me and say "Are you okay, dear?" and he was cute, so that was a bonus. Anyway, when I had them out, I was fully conscious but slightly oblivious because I was watching a movie. I think it was "Fever Pitch" or else a season of "Friends." Either way, the damn dentist's (I just cursed the cute dentist, my bad) head along with his assistant's kept getting in the way of the TV, so I didn't get to see much. And I didn't want to turn the volume up too loud because if I did, then I couldn't hear when they asked me the "Are you okay, dear?" question. But I could feel the pressure - MASSSIVE pressure - I swear at one point he pretty much stood on his chair for leverage - and a bit of cracking. But it was much easier and over quicker than I thought. And despite the stories of people not eating for days and being in pain...I went out to Bubba O's that night for chicken carbonara.



Flash forward to today. I had a root canal like 2 years ago and didn't follow up in a timely manner to get the core & crown on the tooth. I'd like to think I took a significant amount of time to decide if I wanted gold, or porcelain or what I wanted. I mean, there was the chance of having a piece of metal in my head for the rest of my life. If I go with gold and that becomes totally lame - it't not like I can trade it in for platinum later. It was a major life decision. But I delayed it - all the while having a whole in my tooth that pretty much everything got stuck in, with the exception of liquids. I was often found with my finger in my mouth like a teething baby, but in search of seeds or whatever in the hell may have gotten lodged in there. So gross, I know. Toothpicks were like my best friend - I stocked up on them wherever I went. I never broke down and bought a pack of those $.99 buggers myself, sadly enough.



So I went to the dentist yesterday and they pretty much told me it would be "heroics" to save this tooth. It would cost me like $500 out of pocket to save it, and it would likely only last 5 years and that was if I took great care of it. I will be the first to admit that I'm not a big fan of flossing, and I will easily admit that I don't always brush before bed. If I had to pick between washing my face or brushing my teeth, the dermatologist would be happy to know I would side with him. So after basically thinking about putting out the $500 I don't necessarily have or having the tooth pulled, I opted to have it pulled. Now, luckily it is the last tooth in that row, so it won't be noticeable when I smile, a la Amy Winehouse. But on the downside is with eating - let's admit it, one of my favorite things to do - this might pose a problem. What's a girl to do?

I made the appointment and today went through with it. I was very nervous...I'm not quite sure why, I knew what I was in for. I went into the chair around 2:30, got numbed up and they went to work. I had my chapstick in hand and was ready for the show. Now let's just clarify that hearing your own teeth crack is one of the most disgusting things on earth. So freakin sick, so close to your ear! He worked and worked and worked at this tooth. I'm staring at the Windows home screen with the hills and clouds directly above my head and trying to imagine other things. But I can't. Oh, did I mention that I have a new dentist now that isn't nearly as cute or cordial? And he graduated LAST year from dental school. That scares me. That's like having a neurosurgeon delivering a baby, isn't it? Okay, maybe not. That sounded better in my head...point being, he's not experienced! Anyway, he broke the tooth and could not get the rest out. So he called in the big guns - the main dentist who worked for about 10 minutes and got the last of it out. Talk about traumatic! The noise, the pressure, the nervousness...everything. How long did this whole scenario take? TWO MOTHER TRUCKING HOURS, peoples. Ugh, can you imagine? I was even more wrecked when I saw my blood all over the dentists gloves, on my little chin apron thing, and even on the dentists MASK...nast! I pray that I never have to have another tooth pulled in my life. I don't know how people who have to go from teeth to dentures do it.