Why am I here?

Okay, I'm sitting at my brother and sister-in-law's house and I should probably be socializing with the family. Especially since my dad is going back to Texas in a few days (more on that later). But I have really been having a hard time finding a moment to update this blog, so I'm going to do my best to do it now. On the note of not socializing with my family, I'm hoping that since I'm down in the family room Chase won't realize I'm down here. He keeps coming up to me and farting on me. The joy of 4 year old boys!

Topic 1: My health. I went to see Dr. a week ago on Monday and gave in and decided to go with her on the drug therapy for my pelvic pain. She gave me 3 choices when I met her:
1. Drug therapy
2. Get a second opinion
3. Seize taking everything and start at square one
She put me on neurontin which is an anti-seizure medication. I take it 3 times a day, 300 mg each time. At first it seemed to totally do the trick and I was so happy. You don't know the relief I felt when I was just sitting there and realized I hadn't had any pain in a long stretch of time! It was such a new feeling for me after 18 months of struggling with it. But alas, within a few days I started to notice that familiar pain again. It's not nearly as often, but it's there. So today J decided to double my dose and I am now going to go on 600 mg 3 times a day. It's not a long term solution, but it's a start.

Topic 2: I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, I don't remember what i last wrote and I'm really too lazy to go back and re-read stuff. I decided to apply for graduate school at Kansas State University and I will be starting in June (should I get accepted of course). I'm excited & nervous at the same time. It's a HUGE commitment to undertake graduate school & I really need to be ready for it...I need to put way more effort & time into it than I ever did at WMU. At this point, the last piece of my application is the statement of purpose. I hope to accomplish that in the next few days.

Topic 3: I had this brilliant idea after attending a workshop in January to create a graduate student commencement celebration. So plans moved ahead for me to plan & implement a graduate student commencement brunch the morning of commencement. I am in the final 4 day stretch before this event. The stress is overwhelming, but I think that the event will be very rewarding for both me and the gradutes. The food is ordered, the flowers are set to be delivered, the gift was delivered to campus this afternoon and I pick up the decorations on Friday. The huge tasks that I need to finish up are the program & Dr. L's speaking parts. To say I've been stressed the last few days is an understatement. But I can't tell you how GREAT I will feel come Monday morning when I don't have to do this again for 7 months if all goes well!

Topic 4: Book. I've been told since I was 11 years old that I'm a good writer. It's not that I have to try to be good at writing, it just comes to me. I did have a teacher in high school tell me that I tended to "comma overload" but other than that, I think I've done okay over the years :) Anyway, I think that is why I've always liked having blogs - it's a way for me to replay my life, and write, which is a passion of mine. I've been thinking more and more seriously about writing a book. So many people have told me I should. Now I realize just because I sit down and write something doesn't mean it's going to get published & I will be a world reknown author in the next 6 months. But I would really like to do it. It's just finding a topic that is what is plaguing me at this point. Do I write about my own life experiences a la David Sedaris? Do I write about touching female fiction things like Jodi Picoult or mushy love stories as Nicholas Sparks does? Or do I go my own damn way and write whatever the hell I want? I vote doing that, but that doesn't guarantee other people will want to read it! Anyway, I hope to resolve this soon.

Topic 5: New York was a blast. I will post more on that later with more pictures. I took like 150 pictures, most of which are of buildings that I don't remember the name of, but they are nice pictures nonetheless.

Topic 6: Life is passing me by. I'm haunted by the age old question of "why am I still here?" I'm not talking about life in general. I'm talking about Flint. Why am I still here? There is so much more out there to experience, and I am still here because it's my comfort zone. I need to step out of my comfort zone and see what else exists. I think NYC inspired me. It's not that I want to move there necessarily, but I think it opened my eyes to what I'm missing. I'm 27 and single. I can go wherever I want and live the life I choose. Once I settle down, that will no longer be an option. I need to live the way I want for the reasons I choose for the next year or two. Move out of my comfort zone: if I hate it or it doesn't work, at least I tried. I need to be selfish.

Apparently Chase the farter is crying because he wants me to come check him out on his dirt bike. More tomorrow, I hope.

XOXO.