Harold without a purple crayon

On Sunday I threw an event for work. Can I just give a quick shout out to people like Andrea & Alaina who do this ALL THE TIME? I firmly believe I got 3 gray hairs a day from planning this event. There were flowers to be delivered, food to order, runners & napkins to pick up. RSVP’s had to be collected, seating arrangements settled, a program to design and many other things.

Luckily, the day went faboulous! The tables looked beautiful with their fresh flower centerpieces, royal blue runners and bright yellow napkins (cleverly folded, I might add). Guests were seated, students were given a gift, faculty and staff made it just as I planned. Dr. Lotfi served as Master of Ceremonies perfectly.

And then there was Harold.

We had decided as a kind of “filler” to have 5 students speak at the event, one from each college. They had 3-5 minutes to speak. The first 2 were great – got some laughs and were short & sweet.

And then there was Harold.

Harold was obtaining his 3rd master’s degree. He’s a history teacher. And apparently, he’s a talker. When he sent me his speech for review, it was 7 pages long – SINGLE SPACED. Do you really think I was going to read that?! That was probably my first mistake.

Thanks, Harold.

I told him, “gee Harold this is great. But please make sure you can cover it in 5 minutes.” Harold writes me back “Sure, I can do it.”

You’re a liar, Harold.

Harold gets up there. He starts. He gets a few laughs. In the mean time, I’m flittering between the registration table, the food and what not. I had things to do, people to see, shoes to wear that were killing me.

Harold goes on and on and on.

People are starting to get up and leave the room. There are snickers. Not once does Harold look up. The 150 guests are getting antsy at his speech that is probably now hovering at 10 minutes. I’m not listening to it. That’s how entertaining it was.

Look up, Harold.

Harold continues to simply read his speech – no change in tone, no glancing up at his slowly diminishing audience.

You’re killing us Harold.

Finally, he makes a joke. No one laughs. He says something along the lines of “you guys must be sleeping. That was supposed to be a joke.” I take that glorious pause, the one moment when Harold hesitated for a minute, to jump in.

“Harold, you need to wrap this up.”

I’m not sure, but there was likely a collective sigh of relief in the audience. But, rest assured that we had to listen to a good 2-3 minutes MORE of Harold rambling before he was done.

Shut it, Harold.

At the end of the event, I didn’t have the heart to talk to him. Maybe he thought everyone would be genuninely interested in his topic. Perhaps he fancies himself as a enthralling public speaker.

Better luck next time, Harold.