It seems like I’m a person that is filled with good intentions. I am pretty willing to do things for others, and have been told by people a number of times that I need to just be firm and say “no.” As an ex once said, “my friends would call that being a pushover.” Yeah, I think I am indeed a pushover in certain circumstances, with certain people.
I babysat for the best kids for like forever and a half – from before I could drive, right up until the time I graduated from college. I LOVED that family…those kids meant so much to me. And although I have great memories with them – up north trips, sleepovers at their house, ghost stories, Chuck E. Cheese, etc – I received very little appreciation from their parents. No Christmas presents, no birthday cards, nothing. Now I’m not saying that it’s material things that show your appreciation…but it’s nice to have little sentiments every now & again to let you know that you are indeed appreciated. Just the other day – I found a Christmas card from their mom saying that they loved me. And it obviously meant something because I saved it...but when you add all those years up, it's very little. Through those years my family always told me "they just use you" but I never believed it. But I think I finally got tired of it and just gave up. Unfortunately, in doing so I don't see that family much at all anymore. But those kids will always have a very special place in my heart.
I have been an aunt since I was 15 years old. I cannot imagine a life without Matthew, Roman & Chase. I would do anything for those boys and they make me love my family even when it seems like everyone else is crazy and I just want to get the hell away from it all. But sometimes, there is a fine line between being an aunt, and being used out of convenience. It seems as though a certain someone only calls on me when it is a benefit to her. When she needs me, she is nice as pie. But when I call - for something little, absolutely miniscule - she is downright rude to me. Well sister, that can only go on for so long. My ass does not have to feel obligated to do things for you...and if I don't want to, I won't. You can only use someone so much before they are done with it. And come on - it's not like I'm asking you for a kidney! Ugh, I can't get into too many details without totally giving away who this person is. But you can assume.
What is the point in this post? I don't know. I guess you can only get burned so many times before you are ready to piss on the flame. And I've been at that point before, am approaching it again with someone else, and highly doubt I will ever see it with another. But in some circumstances, you've gotta put your shit before anyone elses and get on with it. You're only 1 person.
On another note, my car is all jacked up. I've had troubles shifting out of park for like a month now. And although Jim Waldron will give you a ride home & pick you up when your car is ready when you have it serviced there, it seems like there is never a convenient time to do this. Well, I've been able to drive the damn car without trouble, so I figured it was nothing. I'm driving to work on Thursday and some old guy pulls up to me and says "Ma'am, your brake lights are on all the time." Shit. Shit. Shit. I look down to see if my brake pedal is pushed in. Yeah, I don't have a brake pedal. I have a brake shifter thingamajig next to my shifter in general between the 2 seats. Car terms? As you can see, not so good with those. So yeah, apparently even though you can press your brake pedal to the damn floor to get it into drive, that doesn't mean that your brake lights won't still be on. So considering I've been driving like this for a week or so, my car is likely on its way out...I'm probably burning the engine down to dust & oil. Ugh, cars...can't live with them, can't live without them.
I went and saw "The Dark Knight" last night. Yeah, I don't really dig action movies, so I don't know why I was dying to pony up $8+ dollars to see this movie. It was good - not earth shattering - and Heath Ledger was awesome. But it reaffirmed to me why I don't dig action movies. I'd take a drama or comedy anyday.
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