On & On

My parents have been separated/divorced for close to 22 years. Luckily, for about 20 years of my life (and my brothers lives too), they lived in the same area or within a good 2 hour car ride. So, spending holidays with both of them was never an issue. My dad & his various female friends over the years (prior to his now wife, Brenda of course!) were always welcomed over to my maternal grandmother’s house for the festivities, and often times participated. I must say that for a child of divorced parents, I have been blessed with parents who do not loathe each other; they get along very well and have always had a united front when it comes to us kids. And with that, they were able to sit at the same dinner table with us kids and extended family at holidays in order to celebrate. Furthermore, my dad’s family often had celebrations at my grandparent’s house, so we kids would stuff ourselves on turkey/ham at Grandma S', take a snooze and then head over to Grandma & Grandpa C’s for tamales, menudo, etc. It was like the best of both worlds.

Let me also mention that around the time my parents split up, my grandma & grandpa S did too. So not only did we have divorced parents, we had divorced grandparents. And who else was sitting around that dinner table with us at holidays? You guessed it – my grandpa. They got along too J They fought quite a bit, but I think they still loved each other…I don’t think it, I know it. My grandpa always referred to my grandmother as “my darling ex-wife” and often times called her “nuttier than a fruitcake” but she was the love of his life, and vice versa. He surely had the last laugh when he died 12 years ago and grandma insited on being called his “wife” in the obituary; not to mention, they will be buried next to each other. Dysfuntion, table for 2 please!

Fast forward to present day: my mom lives permanently in Big Rapids, about 2.5 hours from Flint, and my dad lives in Seguin, Texas. Don’t ask me how many miles or hours that is because we all know I’m no good at math. My dad has been there about 1 ½ years and I have been down to see him twice already – it’s a great change of scenery. I’ve never had a great relationship with my dad to say the least – but it is still a bit difficult knowing how far away he truly is.

So he calls me yesterday and talks about how Che & Jeana (my oldest bro & his wife) and their kids are planning on coming down there for Thanksgiving. Now, I will be the first to admit that I dislike the majority of holiday gatherings in my old(er) age because a) I’m still single b) I end up getting sucked into dish duty c) Said dish duty must be done IMMEDIATELY after dinner d) my grandma usually ends up getting on my nerves and I want to go home. I mean –really – alcohol doesn’t even help the situation! I would likely need to start a vodka IV drip around 8:00 am in order to prepare me for an early afternoon dinner. So the thought of 2 of my nephews leaving on Thanksgiving – those 2 who provide the majority of the dinner entertainment – is just too much to bear. But then again, I don’t feel right leaving my mom, Jim & Granny behind to celebrate the arrival of the Pilgrims without me. Erin & Pilgrims simply go hand in hand, kids. Really though, my dad asked me if I thought about coming down there for Thanksgiving with Che & Jeana and the boys. Immediately I said “No” but then I began to think about it.

I have 2 parents…I know, what a shocker; we all do! But now both of those parents have remarried and chosen to move away from us, their darling children (bastards). So when my dad asks me to come to Texas to celebrate Thanksgiving with him, I feel that that is not too much to ask. I spend every other holiday with my mom and considering how often I see my dad now (about 3-4 weeks out of the year) I feel it is only fair. I just hate being in this situation.

When did holidays become such a lack luster thing? Was it when I stopped getting toys for Christmas? Was it when I learned that Santa’s handwriting was awfully similar to my mom’s? Or when Aunt Jean decided we should go with Stove Top & instant potatoes (that didn’t last long, thank God)? What about when dying eggs became an annoying chore involving washing spoon after spoon and bowl after bowl, rather than fun?

If there is a holiday fairy out there, please sprinkle my family with some of your fairy dust. Let us rejoice in being together and not be annoyed. And more importantly: let the dishes sit for a little bit!!

(And if you could help me decide where I should go for Turkey Day 2008, that would be cool too.)Yours Truly,

Erin Elaina