The climb

I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I think the first 10 years of my life I didn't care about my weight.  I was too busy being a kid to give a darn about what I ate, what I drank and if I burned my calories off.  I was a typical kid in that I ate junk, avoided anything green and spent my days playing with my friends.  And I would not have had that any other way. 

It seems like once the middle school years began, my struggle with weight began.  It has continued on feverishly for the last 17 years of my life.  I was always too fat:  couldn't wear a bikini, never looked at myself in the mirror and thought "damn, you look good," always compared myself to my friends.  Granted, there were times that I looked better than others, but it was something that was always in the back of my mind:  fat.

Of course looking back on some of those times when I thought I was fat I would give a million dollars to look like I did when I graduated from high school and thought I was a porker. 

Look at that face - small and ovalish.  No double chin.  I realize being in my graduation gown doesn't give away too much of my body, but it was right on target.  I was happy & healthy.  I figured I could stand to lose a few pounds but it wasn't a struggle.  That fall I went off to college and was fearing the dreaded freshman 15.  Luckily for me, I chose WMU which was built on a former golf course and I did not gain the freshman 15.  I stayed right where I was.

That was 10 years ago.  This is now:

I think the biggest trigger to me that I needed to do something and NOW was seeing recent pictures of myself.  I just could not find a pose that was flattering to me or that HID all the things that I wanted to hide.  It just wasn't possible!  Not to mention Miss Green Pea Coat next to me has lost 55 pounds over the last year or so and has become quite the inspiration.  It was time to take action.  Luckily, I have a doctor now who doesn't discuss my weight with me at every appointment.  I realize that my weight is an issue - but I was not fond of the way my former doctor made it an issue at every single appointment.  My doctor now likely thinks something needs to be done, but she doesn't feel the need to lecture me on that.  I appreciate that.  I'm sure she realizes I am not oblivious to it!

Last week I started Weight Watchers @ work.  The University offered to put on a 12 week session and had a huge response.  I tried WW once when I was in college and did great on the program.  I became very conscious of what I ate and got the whole points system down pat.  So, when I decided to rejoin the program, I was stepping into familiar territory. 

But, a week in, it has not been without it's challenges.  I had dinner out for Chase's birthday my 2nd day on the diet.  I resisted the burgers @ Red Robin and settled for a grilled chicken & salad platter.  However, I gave into the cake & ice cream.  On Friday, I went out to dinner with 2 friends I hadn't seen in awhile at Don Pablo's.  I didn't give into the chips & salsa, but ate a bit more than I had planned.  Saturday went about the same:  went to a baby shower, ate 1 slice of pizza, 1 breadstick and some salad and allowed myself a piece of cake.  Sunday was Great Grandma's birthday party and I totally skipped over cake and ice cream.  Man, was that a great feeling!  Even more tempting was my mom's homemade pizza for dinner, but I opted for VG's chicken ceasar salad instead.  Not nearly as delicious, but just as satisfying. 

In that first week, I began learning my limits.  I felt hunger more times than I can count!  I got frustrated, I got upset, but I kept with it.  And at the weigh-in this week, I was down 4.8 pounds.  Whatever I'm doing, I must be doing something right!  :)